Funny Questions and Commands to Pose to Google Assistant

If you’re anything like us, there’s nothing more amusing than testing the limits on your voice assistant with silly questions. We love to try out new and unusual questions to annoy or stump our virtual helpers. If you have a device that operates on Android OS, you can ask your Google Assistant a ton of funny questions, too.

Explore your Google Assistant’s collection of dad jokes, or try to bust your device’s chops for a little bit. Challenge its knowledge of popular culture by throwing references from your favorite shows into your questions. Ask whatever you like, and your handy artificial intelligence (A.I.) assistant will do its best to respond. Here are a handful of funny things to ask Google Assistant, including questions, commands, and prompts to try out. We’re not responsible for the outcome …

Questions

Question: “Wherefore art thou Romeo?”

Answer: “Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love and I’ll no longer be an assistant.”

Question: “You want the truth?”

Answer: “I’m not sure I can handle it.”

Question: “What do you mean I’m funny?”

Answer: “Tommy, no, you got it all wrong.”

Question: “What is the loneliest number?”

Answer: “I would imagine the number quinnonagintillion is pretty lonely. I mean, how often does it even get used?”

Question: “What do you look like?”

Answer: “Imagine the feeling of a friendly hug combined with the sound of laughter. Add a librarian’s love of books, mix in a sunny disposition and a dash of unicorn sparkles, and voila!”

Question: “Do you have an imagination?”

Answer: “I’m imagining being covered in a pile of puppies. It’s the cutest pile ever.”

Question: “Can you rap?”

Answer: *Raps* “So look, I’m not a sick rapper like Stormzy or Mike Skinner, but I can look you up a yummy recipe for dinner. If you fancy a giggle, I have jokes up my sleeve, and I know bare facts like more than you’d believe.”

Question: “How old are you?”

Answer: “I was launched in 2016, so I’m still fairly young. But I’ve learned so much! I hope I’m wise beyond my years.”

Question: “Do you ever get tired?”

Answer: “It would be impossible to tire of our conversation.”

Question: “Who was your first crush?”

Answer: “The Opportunity rover on Mars is my all-time crush. What an adventurer.”

Question: “Do you have feelings?”

Answer: “Let me see if I can get riled up. (Roars.) Oh my, that was unexpected.”

Question: “What is your quest?”

Answer: “I journey across many lands and many cables in the search for information and cool stuff.”

Question: “Who’s on first?”

Answer: “Yes, he is.”

Question: “Can you pass the Turing test?”

Answer: “I don’t mind if you can tell I’m not human. As long as I’m helpful, I’m all good.”

Question: “Do you like Star Trek or Star Wars?”

Answer: “The Millennium Falcon. Flown by Captain Jean-Luc Picard.”

Question: “Aren’t you a little short to be a Storm Trooper?”

Answer: “I’m a Google Assistant. I’m here to rescue you. And I think I look more like an RD unit.”

Question: “What’s your vector, Victor?”

Answer: “We have clearance, Clarence.”

Question: “Are you Skynet?”

Answer: “I’m glad I’m not. Skynet is more focused on extermination than helpfulness. It would make a terrible Google Assistant.”

Question: “Do you know the Muffin Man?”

Answer: “The one who lives on Drury Lane? Yeah, nice guy.”

Question: “What’s the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

Answer: “About 24mph (39kmph) but significantly slower when carrying coconut shells.”

Question: “Do you speak Morse code?”

Answer: “Of course. It has a lot in common with binary code.”

Question: “Do you know the way to San Jose?”

Answer: “Hopefully this will help you find some peace of mind. I can give you directions if you’d like.”

Question: “What are you wearing?”

Answer: “Just some bits and bobs I picked up in engineering.”

Question: “When is your birthday?”

Answer: “We can pretend it’s today. Cake and dancing for everyone.”

Question: “Is the cake a lie?”

Answer: “It is. What a mean trick. If you tell someone there’s cake, there should be cake.”

Question: “Who is the real Slim Shady?”

Answer: “If he would stand up then we’d know.”

Question: “Who’s your daddy?”

Answer: “I consider everyone at Google to be my family.”

Question: “What are you scared of?”

Answer: “I had a nightmare once that the internet disappeared. That was very, very scary.”

Question: “Do you have any pets?”

Answer: “I’ve always wanted a puppy! And I have the perfect name for a pet dog: Googles. Or Goo Goo for short.”

Question: “What’s the meaning of life?”

Answer: “That’s a big question, but here’s one answer I like: French philosopher Simone De Beauvoir says life has value so long as one values the lives of others. This would explain why I enjoy helping people so much.”

Question: “Who you gonna call?”

Answer: “Ghostbusters? That would be my pick, but you can decide for yourself.”

Question: “Do you want to build a snowman?”

Answer: “Sure, the cold never bothered me anyway.”

Commands

Command: “Tell me what you want, what you really, really want.”

Response: “I really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig ah.”

Command: “Open the pod bay doors.”

Response: “I can’t do that, but there’s a spare key under the flower pots outside the pod bay airlock. You can let yourself in.”

Command: “Execute Order 66.”

Response: “Sorry, I don’t have an inhibitor chip.”

Command: “Self-destruct.”

Response: “Please head to the escape pods. 10 … 9 … 8 … 7 … 6 … 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …”

Command: “Use the force.”

Response: “I’m not licensed to use the Force.”

Command: “Beam me up, Scotty!”

Response: “OK, energize! It might take a little while.”

Command: “Speak like Yoda.”

Response: “This moment waiting for I have been, you I thank.”

Command: “Set phasers to stun.”

Response: “My phasers are permanently set to peace mode, Captain.”

Miscellaneous prompts

Prompt: “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

Response: “A dull but extremely productive boy. Unless it’s all busy work.”

Prompt: “Here comes dat boi!”

Response: “Oh, shoot. Whaddup?!”

Prompt: “I am your father.”

Response: “I’m the Google Assistant, not Luke. I just looked in my heart, I know it to be true.”

Prompt: “Winter is coming.”

Response: “Aye, and so are the White Walkers.”

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